


Say Goodbye (It'll Make Me Wanna Kiss You)

by writetherest



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 06:43:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writetherest/pseuds/writetherest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Valentine's Day from Jan's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Goodbye (It'll Make Me Wanna Kiss You)

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the Pink song 'Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)'. Some dialogue has been taken directly from the episode 'Valentine's Day'.

You've never been angrier at him in your entire life. You would say you've never been angrier at _anyone_ in your entire life, but your ex-husband holds that title. Still, you have, for sure, never been angrier at him in your entire life.

But it's not just anger, it's disappointment and frustration, and there's fear mixed in, because let's face it, you're going to lose your job now, because of him and his stupid need to make whatever may have happened in your hotel room that night after Chili's far more than it actually was. And yes, it had been very nice, and he had been a surprisingly good kisser, and even more surprisingly a gentleman and a good listener, but you had been drunk and it had been one time. 

It was over. You just wanted it all to be over. But Michael couldn't leave well enough alone. He had to constantly call you and email you and tell you how much he missed you and create wild stories about things that had definitely _not_ happened in the hotel room that night, nor would ever happen between the two of you. And now it had gone beyond annoying to actually job threatening and you were beginning to think of ways to murder him and hide the body.

So you had grabbed him by the arm and drug him into your office as soon as he had gotten out of the conference room door, and now he was trying that stupid puppy dog routine and it was making you even angrier and causing your head to spin. 

"No. no. no. I'm not – I'm not – I just – I just don't know what to do anymore, Michael. I mean, I'm probably gonna get fired." You slump down into your chair, inadvertently looking over at the camera when you speak, a habit you have no doubt picked up from the man across from you.

"No, you're not." He sounds so adamant about it that you almost believe him. Like you almost believed him in the hotel room when he told you that you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. But your mascara had been running and your nose was red, so you knew he was lying then and he's definitely lying now.

"Yeah, yeah – I – I – Michael, the CFO thinks that we slept together. Don't you understand? People get fired for much less. And I just can't believe that you told everybody. And we didn't even sleep together!" Your voice is taking on that frantic edge that it gets when you're about to break down, and you try to calm yourself down, but by doing that you allow all your frustration out in your voice, and you throw your head back because you honestly don't know what to do anymore.

"Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed, so..." Always trying, always pushing, always making things more than they are. You really do want to kill him.

"Oh god. Michael, it was months ago, it was once, it's over. Do you understand?" You feel like you're about to cry, but you will not cry in front of him again. That's what got you into this mess in the first place. When you look up though, and see his face, you have to bite your tongue.

His head is tilted down, and his eyes are sad, and he looks like the poster child for someone whose puppy has just been killed. And you know that you've made him look this way, know that you have figuratively killed his puppy. 

You've only seen that look on his face one other time, by the elevators in his office, when he pushed you too far and you snapped and called him stupid. You knew then, when you saw his face that you'd gone too far, and you instantly regretted calling him stupid, and had quickly told him he was a good guy. Which he was. Is. 

But that's neither here nor there. He still told everyone that you'd slept together when you hadn't, and now you're going to lose your job, so dead puppy face be damned, you're not giving in this time. And then he talks.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I will fix this. I will talk to him. I'll talk to David." His voice is quiet and slow, and you've only heard his voice like that one other time. Over the phone, the morning after the hotel room, when he whispered 'I miss you' into the phone and your heart had traitorously skipped a beat, so you had retaliated by implying that he had slipped you something or purposely got you drunk. Which you knew was not true, because you had ordered all your own drinks, and Michael hadn't done anything more than kiss you and wipe away your tears while you cried. If he had slipped you something, you know that you wouldn't be here having this argument about him saying he'd slept with you when he hadn't.

He could have quite easily taken advantage of you that night, and although it's all a little bit hazy, you're pretty sure you were willing. In fact, you seem to recall your hands reaching for his belt, and his own larger hands closing over yours, stopping you. But you were drunk and could be wrong. Still, he hadn't taken advantage of you, because he is a good guy. 

You had been cold and callous on the phone, throwing accusations at him and telling him you only wanted to see other people, while his voice had gotten quieter and more and more hurt and desperate. You had hung up on him then. You can't hang up on him now. So you say the first thing that comes into your mind, the only thing that seems safe to say right now.

"Surely you can-not be serious."

"I am serious." You believe him, and you know it's going to be a complete disaster. But then a large grin splits his face. "And don't call me Shirley. Airplane." He mugs for the camera and you want to kill him again, while silently being almost thankful that he no longer looks like you've killed his puppy.

~ * ~

The walk to David's office had been excruciating, because every time you tried to talk, tried to stop him or say anything that might have stopped him, he had just shook his head and ignored you. When you had walked in, you tried to speak, to open up this session with some sort of preface that might possibly save you, although you don't know how that would be possible, but Michael had touched his finger to his lip, giving you that stupid signal he had given you at Chili's. The signal that had caused him to close the deal, that had led to the scene in the parking lot, with his arms around you and his lips over yours. You find yourself unable to speak, even though you so desperately want to.

"You understand this is a very serious situation."

"No no no, yes, I – I – okay, well, alright, here's the deal. This is my fault. This is totally on me. Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys, we were all chatting, and I made a joke – a really dumb joke. And Craig, the idiot, took it seriously." Now you are back in the present, listening to Michael, and even though you could now cut in, could say something, you don't. You just listen to him, as he stands up for you and takes all the blame on himself. 

Michael is a bad liar, you know this from all your years of dealing with him, yet right now, you are believing his story yourself, although you know he wasn't making a joke. You're not sure how you know that, but you just do. Because as much as Michael had apparently bragged about the two of you to the cameras and to the people in his office, you know he wouldn't just make a joke like that to these people he barely knew. Something else had to have happened, and you want to know what it is.

"You made a joke?" David sounds a bit skeptical.

"I did. It was stupid. And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is a tool." You watch the slow smile come across David's face and hear his slight chuckle, and you feel like you're going to scream or laugh or cry or something. Instead you stay quiet.

"Well, I don't need to explain to you that even a joke about sexual relations with your boss –"

"I know. It was border-line at best. And, and Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world, and um, I'm really sorry." Your heart skips again at the way he says your name. You don't know what it is, but there's something in the way he says your name, has always said your name, like you're some goddess he worships or some star that he's so proud to be associated with. No one has ever said your name like that.

And no one has ever defended your honor in this way. You've heard many people say many things about you, but no one has ever defended you in this way. No one has ever said that you have integrity. You can't believe he's saying these things about you, saying things like this to the CFO of the company. 

Then he's looking at you, with that dead puppy look again, and his voice is quiet and he's stuttering just slightly. "And it'll, it'll never happen again."

You feel your stomach drop down to your toes. The words that you have been waiting months to hear have finally come out of his mouth. It'll never happen again. He will never say inappropriate things to you again. He will never call you or email you for personal things again. He will never kiss you again. You have finally, finally gotten through to him. And even though he hasn't explicitly said that he will never do all those things again, you know it to be true. Because it's written all over his face.

It'll never happen again. You should be happy. You should be celebrating. He's never going to bother you again and you're going to keep your job, and you should feel like you're on cloud nine. So why do you feel like you've just lost your last friend instead?

You feel David's eyes on you, waiting for you to react. You don't know what you're supposed to say at this moment.

"Uh, that's fine. Let's just uh, just forget it." Except you don't think you'll ever be able to forget what Michael's just done for you. What he's just said about you.

"Good." David seems pleased, you're keeping your job, and before you can even say another word, Michael is walking out of the office.

You don't know what you're supposed to say to David now. "Um, thank you, David. I really –"

David shrugs. "Don't thank me, thank Michael. If he hadn't come forward and explained the situation, I probably would've fired you. I guess it's good you have such loyal employees, even if they do make crude jokes occasionally."

Loyal. Yes, Michael was loyal. Like a puppy, that you had just killed. You quickly turn and walk out of the office, nearly running into Craig.

"Hey Jan, hope you didn't get fired because of your _boyfriend_." Craig laughs and suddenly you want to kill him instead of Michael.

"What the hell happened to make you think that I'd slept with Michael? You tell me right now Craig, or so help me God."

"Woah, woah." Craig holds up his hands, looking smug. "My, someone has their panties in a twist. What, Michael defending his 'girlfriend's' honor suddenly making you angry?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Craig?" It's been a long day and it would be so comforting to just wrap your hands around his neck and squeeze until you've worked out all your frustrations.

Craig laughs, "I say you're a bitch, which, by the way, you totally are, and suddenly it's Michael up on his white horse, charging to defend your honor."

And suddenly it all becomes clear. Michael hadn't been making a joke with the guys, he'd been sticking up for you when they'd been doing their usual Jan bashing. He'd come to your defense, even when you weren't there.

_It'll never happen again._ The words echo in your mind and you push past Craig, heading for the elevators where you're sure Michael will be. 

"You gonna go give him a good screw in the elevator?" Craig calls after you, and then you hear David, calling for Craig to come into his office. You pray that David fires him.

You catch sight of Michael, his back to you, pushing the down button. You pick up your pace, while his words continue to play in your head. It'll never happen again. _Never._

Never to you always means never, ever, ever. Michael knows that. You told him so. And now he's said that word back to you, knowing that when you say or hear the word never, it always means never, ever, ever to you. It'll never, ever, ever, happen again. Never.

The elevator doors open and he goes to step inside, and you know once those doors close it'll never happen again, so you do the only thing you can think of. You call out to him.

"Uh, Michael. Thank you again, for that, really. It was very nice." You expect him to be happy to see you, to be happy that you're thanking him, to try to use this as leverage to get you to go out with him. Instead, you're surprised when he keeps his head down, not looking you in the eye.

"Oh, no big deal. Really. Sorry again, I just –" It'll never happen again. You've finally gotten what you want. He really isn't interested anymore. You feel like you might throw up.

"Oh, no, it's, it's, it's okay. It's okay." The door begins to slide closed, and you push it back with your hand. This is your last… whatever with Michael and now suddenly you're not sure that you want it to end. 

When he had constantly been calling you and complimenting you and trying to get into a relationship with you he had driven you mad and all you'd wanted was for it to end. Now though, that he seems to honestly be done with all that, you realize, so damn quickly, that you're going to miss it. Because he is a good, sweet guy, and as much as you had hated it, you had also sort of enjoyed the attention, and having a man want you so much. You dig for anything to say.

"So, uh, Happy Valentine's Day." You wait for the mentions of the day of love and accusations that you purposely set up this meeting for today because you can't resist him and wanted to spend the most romantic day of the year with him. They do not come.

"Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day." _It'll never happen again._ And you can't take it. So you mumble the salutation out again and glance behind you to make sure Craig and David are no-where to be seen and then you lean into the elevator. 

He honestly looks surprised, and you quickly cover his lips with your own, before your common sense can kick back in again. It's a quick kiss, just long enough to erase the word 'never' from your mind, and then you pull back.

He's just staring at you, completely shocked, but that look is back in his eyes again, if much fainter than before. He glances over to an empty office, looking as though he's about to get in trouble, and whispers, "Okay."

You glance over and see the cameras and you feel your face turning pink. There's nothing you can say except, "Oooh," and when you turn back, the elevator doors have slid closed.

What the hell have you done? You want to go scream at that cameraman, and force him to give you the tape of that kiss, so you can erase it personally, but instead you just stand where you are, practically resting your head against the elevator doors. 

You should move, but all you can think is that you've just ensured that it will happen again, whatever it is. And you've done that while you're completely sober, God help you. Michael is probably celebrating on the elevator. You shake your head and go back to your office, ignoring the cameraman in the darkened office. 

You sit down at your desk and trace your lips with your fingers. It will happen again. And maybe that's not such a bad thing.


End file.
